Summer Of Love(?) Will I Cheat On My Boyfriend While He’s Away On A Farm?

School’s out…for summer. (Had to say it). And so is my 8 month long relationship with my partner, Garcin. (Kinda).  We’re still gonna be “together”…but he’s going to be farming in The Middle Of Nowhere from June until August and Ill be living in The City, hundreds of miles away. Possible premise for a Nicholas … Continue reading

A Virtuous Slut: The Guy I Bonded With Even Though He Compares Himself To Sartre’s No Exit (Where “Hell Is Other People”)

I honestly cant remember the first night I slept with Garcin, even though it was just six days ago. Garcin says he didnt slip anything in my drink and I believe him because we were friends before we became Friends Who Have Sex With Each Other And Then Engage In A Tumultuous Relationship. Sometimes you … Continue reading

The Unexamined Life Is Totally Worth Living

Socrates: The unexamined life is not worth living. Me: Shut up. You know what’s demoralizing? Genocide. Babies being punched to death. Famine. Pigs being injected with semen to avoid having them fuck. Bourgeois boredom. Being a 25 year old graduate student and still having to look up how to spell bougeouise bourgeois bourgeois. Homelessness. Domestic … Continue reading

What happens in La Paz stays on my blog

Shit my boyfriend said during our trip to Mexico…     To all the babes: dont wear a lot of make up on your face if you want me to lick it.   I subscribe to Harper’s.   In this instance, you might be right. This is a small victory for you.   I cant … Continue reading

“Hi, Id like a #1, animal style, with a side of Double Standards please.”

objective: via In n Out, order a double cheeseburger, a strawberry shake, and a slice of wisdom concerning issues in monogamy. All for $5.99. Extra ketchup please.   A male/female couple walk up to the register to order their meals…   In n Out Chick: Hi! Welcome to In n Out. How are you? Male: … Continue reading

The Prudence Diaries: The Guy I Bonded With Over Face/Off

DAY ONE 7:10 pm: Face/Off Boy works at the indie movie theater. As he’s giving me my tickets, he mentions how his last name is my first name, just spelled differently. We laugh about it and I mentally blush because I think we just Shared A Moment. I walk to the auditorium with my friend … Continue reading

San Francisco Bans Childhood

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Just days after the San Francisco Board Of Supervisors outlawed the McDonald’s Happy Meal , San Francisco has now decided to ban childhood from its city. The decision was met with a 10 – 1 vote and was proposed by council member, Dumb Fuck. Dumb Fuck released the following statement concerning the … Continue reading

I Came, I Saw, I Judged: Enter The Void aka The New Film From The Dude Who Directed That One Monica Bellucci Movie With The Nine Minute Rape Scene

  This movie is for people who: named Chapter 2 of their autobiography “Mommy Issues” named Chapter 3 of their autobiography “Daddy Issues” have incestuous (albeit endearing) tendencies enjoy taking psychedelic mushrooms enjoy taking acid enjoy taking ecstasy enjoy taking Robitussin enjoy taking DMT enjoy taking GHB enjoy taking LOL enjoy Hello Kitty fancy themselves … Continue reading

16 Ways To Redeem Yourself For Liking Miranda July

For those of you I actually talk to, you know Ive been dating a guy ever since I drunkenly slept with him last month and had to ask him the next morning if we actually had sex. For those of you I don’t talk to, Ive been dating a guy since I drunkenly slept with … Continue reading

19th Century Philosophy That Will Creep You Out While Turning You On

From Kierkegaard’s Diary Of A Seducer: “I am a good-natured person who came like a knight to the aid of a young girl, and I can also press your hand in a way that is anything but good-natured.”                      (hawt) “I promise she shall remember the … Continue reading

The Prudence Diaries: The Guy I Bonded With Because He Looked Like The Guy From KickAss And When The Lights Turned On In The Bar He Still Looked Like The Guy From KickAss

At a bar, sippin on whiskey n coke, after drinking mugs of whiskey mixed with mainly whiskey. Just got done charming two dudes with my “your cunt is in the sink” joke from Curb. One dude was this chick’s boyfriend and the other person I don’t remember…coulda been a girl or even one of my … Continue reading

Reappropriated Poetry

A newly discovered poem from the ancient greek philosopher, Helvetica. Confession I’m lookin’ for a dime that’s top of the line  Cute face slim waist with a big behind  I need a dime that’s top of the line  Cute face slim waist with a big behind

Chris Nolan And Larry David Collaborate On INCEPTION DVD Release

The highly anticipated DVD/blu ray release of Inception is slated for [insert date here]. Details of the special features discs are slowly being released. symposium says has learned that viewers will have the option to include a Zooey Deschanel decapitation in one of Arthur’s dreams during the movie. She serves as one of his projections/baggage … Continue reading

My Boyfriend Just Dumped Me To The Tune Of A Bright Eyes’ Song

objective: it’s not you, it’s Bright Eyes boyfriend/girlfriend, both early 20s, are leaving a movie theater… Girl: That movie was different from what I was expecting.. Boy: Girl: …yeah, I mean, I understand it’s a film adaptation and the filmmaker doesnt necessarily have to follow every little thing about the book…but the exclusion of Swedish … Continue reading

3 Philosophy Grad Students Walk Into A Bar…

3 philosophy grad students walk into a bar…   Bernard: Hey, have you guys seen that one cocktail waitress around here lately? The boorish one. Phillip: The ol’ curmudgeon who always messes up my order and brings me a Jack mixed with petulance… Gail: The ol’ curmudgeon who Bernard wants to sleep with, Phillip – … Continue reading

I Came, I Saw, I Judged: Christopher Nolan’s Inception [MINDFONDLE]

YO. All I gots to say is that Christopher Nolan has now saved me thousands of dollars. Because I no longer have to pay ridiculous amounts of money to have a therapist help me sift through my “issues”. Now all I gotta do to help me deal with my Angst is watch Inception. Inception was … Continue reading

I Let My Friend Borrow Trainspotting And She Didn’t Even Care To Finish It. Should I Still Talk To Her?

Objective: To find out if my supposed friend who disliked the movie Trainspotting so much she couldn’t even finish it, is even worth my time, or if I should just pretend to be her friend and just talk shit about her behind her back.   Trainspotting. Enough said, right? The Opening Scene, the soundtrack, the … Continue reading

Am I My Bicycle?

Objective: To find out if the image/condition of my bike is symbolic of my True Self, kinda like how the plastic bag in the wind in American Beauty is symbolic of Life/Art/Selfhood/NaturevsMan/ThePlotOfMulhollandDrive.  I was waiting for the trolley this morning and this guy who looks like a hip Cheech cowboy who probly knows Quentin Tarantino, … Continue reading