My Boyfriend Just Dumped Me To The Tune Of A Bright Eyes’ Song

objective: it’s not you, it’s Bright Eyes

boyfriend/girlfriend, both early 20s, are leaving a movie theater…

Girl: That movie was different from what I was expecting..


Girl: …yeah, I mean, I understand it’s a film adaptation and the filmmaker doesnt necessarily have to follow every little thing about the book…but the exclusion of Swedish accents in a movie that’s dealing with Swedish characters, is just distracting, especially if youve read the book ya know? The characters being Swedes and being represented as such, is part of the core of the book. The movie just wasnt as authentic as I was hoping for I guess.

Boy: Yeah….well..

Girl: I mean, the whole thing is tota –

Boy: Hey, so Ive been listening to a lot of Bright Eyes lately.

Girl: Oh yeah? I love his music! First Day Of My Life is my fave song…so inspiring and uplifting..

Boy: Yeah. Well, one song in particular…really resonates with me..

Girl: Oh yeah? Which one? Wait! Lemme guess! I loooove guessing stuff!

Boy: uuhhh, okay.

Girl: Okay, so it’s not First Day Of My Life, right? That one cant be your fave cuz it’s my fave. haha. Maybe Ill share it with you…if youre lucky…it can be our song even…

Boy: uuhhh, okay…

Girl: So it’s not First Day Of My Life. Is it Make A Plan To Love Me?

Boy: uuhhh, nooo.

Girl: okay okay, is it Road To Joy? SUCH a good song! Not as good as First Day Of My Life but still, totally inspiring.

Boy: uuhhh, no, it’s not that one.

Girl: okay okay. Is it We Are Nowhere And It’s Now? That one is kind of sad but still sweet and he sings with this one chick and they sound sooo sweet together..

Boy: No, it’s not that one…

Girl: okay okay. I totally know which song it is! It’s totally the opener to Im Wide Awake It’s Morning! The song’s called At The Bottom Of Everything. I love that song cuz Bright Eyes starts off the song by describing a woman on a plane who’s reading an “arduous” article about a third world country…and that song has always stood out to me cuz he uses the word “arduous” in a song ya know? I mean, you cant exactly rhyme a word with “arduous”, I dont care how fly of a rapper you are..maybe Kanye could, since he’s a lyrical genius. But Bright Eyes’ use of the word “arduous” reminded me of how in the song, And It Rained All Night, Thom Yorke uses the word “indefatigable” and I had to look it up in the dictionary. It means “tireless” though. Thatd be another hard word to rhyme with….in…de…fatigable…Anyway, I really like that song, At The Bottom Of Everything. That’s your fave Bright Eyes’ song right?

Boy: uuhhh no, it’s not that one, it’s the —

Girl: omg, youre just playing hardsies! Okay, maybe it’s from his newer stuff? Is it that one that’s —

Boy: I want a lover I dont have to love.

Girl: huh?

Boy: The Bright Eyes song is called Lover I Dont Have To Love and I agree with him. I want a lover I dont have to love.

Girl: I dont get it. That’s not on the Cassadaga album…

Boy: I dont know what album it’s on. But I identify with the song.

Girl: But I thought you loved me. I gave you my virginity!

Boy: I know. And I appreciate that. But I think you want a lover TO love and I want a lover I dont HAVE to love.

Girl: But why?? Why do you want a lover you dont have to love? Dont you remember watching Moulin Rouge together and we would sing The Elephant Love Medley song and I would play Satine and you would be Christian and youd sing me “I was made for loving you baby, you were made for loving me”? You said we could be heroes, even if just for one day!

Boy: Look, I didnt really sing those lyrics…it was more of a reluctant mumble.

Girl: That’s just because youre shy though! I know you meant those lyrics in your heart..

Boy: Look, youre nice and all. But I want a lover I dont have to love. I want a girl who’s too sad to give a fuck.

Girl: But WHY? Love lifts us up where we belong..all you need is love..remember?

Boy: Look, I need some meaning I can memorize…the kind we have always seems to slip my mind..

Girl: But we should be lovers and that’s a fact.

Boy: Look, I got a hunger and I cant seem to get full.

Girl: Oh are you hungry? We can go to the Dairy Queen around the corner…you can get one of those chocolate dipped cones you like so much…

Boy: No Im not actually hungry! It’s a metaphor for how I feel empty inside and cant seem to find something meaningful in my life.

Girl: Umm, now you just sound gay. Whatever. LATERRR. And Im defriending you bt-dub. TTYL, except NOT. Have fun being a fag, fag.

Boy: Love’s an excuse to get hurt..

One Response to “My Boyfriend Just Dumped Me To The Tune Of A Bright Eyes’ Song”
  1. Craig says:

    I don’t get it, that’s not on the Cassadaga album

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