I Came, I Saw, I Judged: Enter The Void aka The New Film From The Dude Who Directed That One Monica Bellucci Movie With The Nine Minute Rape Scene

  This movie is for people who: named Chapter 2 of their autobiography “Mommy Issues” named Chapter 3 of their autobiography “Daddy Issues” have incestuous (albeit endearing) tendencies enjoy taking psychedelic mushrooms enjoy taking acid enjoy taking ecstasy enjoy taking Robitussin enjoy taking DMT enjoy taking GHB enjoy taking LOL enjoy Hello Kitty fancy themselves … Continue reading

I Came, I Saw, I Judged: Christopher Nolan’s Inception [MINDFONDLE]

YO. All I gots to say is that Christopher Nolan has now saved me thousands of dollars. Because I no longer have to pay ridiculous amounts of money to have a therapist help me sift through my “issues”. Now all I gotta do to help me deal with my Angst is watch Inception. Inception was … Continue reading

Need Architect To Help Perform Inception

So a Mr. Charles contacted Symposium Says over the weekend. He wanted soren to create a craigslist ad for a special job he and his team would be performing in the near future. Mr. Charles has received plenty of replies to the ad, however, he says most of them are either forgers or chemists, which are … Continue reading

CHRIS NOLAN OR DIE: A Look At The Filmmaker’s Resume, Including Reasons Why This Brit Is Better Than You

objective: in honor of the theatrical release of Christopher Nolan’s Inception, we take a look at the writer/director’s resume in order to remind you why this Brit is better than you. Like, waaay better. #britidliketofuck #wishiwerebritish FOLLOWING (1999) Nolan writes the script and directs Life. So boring, right? Sometimes, the only way to spice things up is … Continue reading

Do You Believe In Life After Twilight?

objective: to find out what there is to Live For once all the Twilight movies have come out in theaters.   First, a poem I wrote while sitting under a eucalyptus tree during a sunset: Twilight. Edward, Bella. Edward, Bella. Edward Edward. Bella. Jacob. Twilight. Twilight: Eclipse, the third installment of the Twilight series, comes … Continue reading

I Came, I Saw, I Judged: Sofia Coppola’s Somewhere

This movie isnt out yet, but I just saw the trailer: The title of the movie is pretty deep: Somewhere. Somewhere. Where? Maybe over there? Or over here? It’s somewhere, but really anywhere, because youll see yourself in the main character of the movie and be like “hey I just wanna be accepted too” and this … Continue reading

I Came, I Saw, I Judged: Pixar’s Toy Story 3

Alright, just give Pixar the Nobel Peace Prize Best Picture Oscar already. And while youre at it, let’s honor the following performances:   Best Actor – Woody  It’s Tom Hanks! The Academy loves Tom Hanks. I love Tom Hanks.    Best Actress – Ken Not many people can work the ascot. But Ken pulls it off. … Continue reading

I Came, I Saw, I Judged: Russell Brand’s Get Him To The Greek

  This movie inspired me to drop some acid, go to the petting zoo, bring my laptop to Wendy’s to read old livejournal entries, cry about my failed relationship with my dad, buy some pills from a stranger in front of Rite-Aid, crush said pills and snort them off a sticky table at a Baskin Robbins, hitchhike … Continue reading

I Came, I Saw, I Judged: Guillermo del Toro’s Splice

SPLICE: starring Adrien Brody, Sarah Polley, AND THE SINGLE GREATEST MOVIE SCENE OF 2010.    I kinda feel reborn. I dont know if this sudden rejuvenation is from this shocking movie, or the mocha frappe from Mickey D’s that I had earlier, or from bumpin Mary J. Blije on the way home… jk jk. Im … Continue reading

I Let My Friend Borrow Trainspotting And She Didn’t Even Care To Finish It. Should I Still Talk To Her?

Objective: To find out if my supposed friend who disliked the movie Trainspotting so much she couldn’t even finish it, is even worth my time, or if I should just pretend to be her friend and just talk shit about her behind her back.   Trainspotting. Enough said, right? The Opening Scene, the soundtrack, the … Continue reading