I Came, I Saw, I Judged: Enter The Void aka The New Film From The Dude Who Directed That One Monica Bellucci Movie With The Nine Minute Rape Scene

  This movie is for people who: named Chapter 2 of their autobiography “Mommy Issues” named Chapter 3 of their autobiography “Daddy Issues” have incestuous (albeit endearing) tendencies enjoy taking psychedelic mushrooms enjoy taking acid enjoy taking ecstasy enjoy taking Robitussin enjoy taking DMT enjoy taking GHB enjoy taking LOL enjoy Hello Kitty fancy themselves … Continue reading

16 Ways To Redeem Yourself For Liking Miranda July

For those of you I actually talk to, you know Ive been dating a guy ever since I drunkenly slept with him last month and had to ask him the next morning if we actually had sex. For those of you I don’t talk to, Ive been dating a guy since I drunkenly slept with … Continue reading

Chris Nolan And Larry David Collaborate On INCEPTION DVD Release

The highly anticipated DVD/blu ray release of Inception is slated for [insert date here]. Details of the special features discs are slowly being released. symposium says has learned that viewers will have the option to include a Zooey Deschanel decapitation in one of Arthur’s dreams during the movie. She serves as one of his projections/baggage … Continue reading

3 Philosophy Grad Students Walk Into A Bar…

3 philosophy grad students walk into a bar…   Bernard: Hey, have you guys seen that one cocktail waitress around here lately? The boorish one. Phillip: The ol’ curmudgeon who always messes up my order and brings me a Jack mixed with petulance… Gail: The ol’ curmudgeon who Bernard wants to sleep with, Phillip – … Continue reading

I Came, I Saw, I Judged: Christopher Nolan’s Inception [MINDFONDLE]

YO. All I gots to say is that Christopher Nolan has now saved me thousands of dollars. Because I no longer have to pay ridiculous amounts of money to have a therapist help me sift through my “issues”. Now all I gotta do to help me deal with my Angst is watch Inception. Inception was … Continue reading

Need Architect To Help Perform Inception

So a Mr. Charles contacted Symposium Says over the weekend. He wanted soren to create a craigslist ad for a special job he and his team would be performing in the near future. Mr. Charles has received plenty of replies to the ad, however, he says most of them are either forgers or chemists, which are … Continue reading

CHRIS NOLAN OR DIE: A Look At The Filmmaker’s Resume, Including Reasons Why This Brit Is Better Than You

objective: in honor of the theatrical release of Christopher Nolan’s Inception, we take a look at the writer/director’s resume in order to remind you why this Brit is better than you. Like, waaay better. #britidliketofuck #wishiwerebritish FOLLOWING (1999) Nolan writes the script and directs Life. So boring, right? Sometimes, the only way to spice things up is … Continue reading

Twilight Haters Target New Toy Story Movie

LOS ANGELES, CA–Twilight:Eclipse premiered last week in Hollywood. Amongst the Twi-hards, Kristen Stewart’s mumble and Robert Pattinson’s hair, something peculiar caught everyone’s attention: a group of about a dozen pissed off individuals. They were mainly twentysomethings with oversized eyeglasses and misunderstood hair. They wore Twilight tshirts featuring Edward with a huge red X over his face. They held … Continue reading

Do You Believe In Life After Twilight?

objective: to find out what there is to Live For once all the Twilight movies have come out in theaters.   First, a poem I wrote while sitting under a eucalyptus tree during a sunset: Twilight. Edward, Bella. Edward, Bella. Edward Edward. Bella. Jacob. Twilight. Twilight: Eclipse, the third installment of the Twilight series, comes … Continue reading

I Came, I Saw, I Judged: Sofia Coppola’s Somewhere

This movie isnt out yet, but I just saw the trailer: The title of the movie is pretty deep: Somewhere. Somewhere. Where? Maybe over there? Or over here? It’s somewhere, but really anywhere, because youll see yourself in the main character of the movie and be like “hey I just wanna be accepted too” and this … Continue reading