The Prudence Diaries: The Guy I Bonded With Because He Looked Like The Guy From KickAss And When The Lights Turned On In The Bar He Still Looked Like The Guy From KickAss

At a bar, sippin on whiskey n coke, after drinking mugs of whiskey mixed with mainly whiskey.

Just got done charming two dudes with my “your cunt is in the sink” joke from Curb. One dude was this chick’s boyfriend and the other person I don’t remember…coulda been a girl or even one of my friends. Done with my joke and scope out the scene outside this little group. Spot a cutsie who gets my attention because he’s right in front of my face and also wearing an Avenge Sevenfold tshirt. The band name sounds totally familiar and I. Am. Drunk. So I point at the guy and give him the “come hither” finger. He looks surprised but walks over.

Talk about the band. Drunktalk. I tell him he looks like the guy from KickAss..he says he’s gotten that before, which only validates my comment, which makes him even hawter. It’s me, KickAss and my friend Coco. We talk about how he got his shirt from some famous dude that his mom used to date. I say his mom must be hot and ask if he has a picture of her on him. He does not. Continue drunktalk and then I go to the bathroom.

Come back to KickAss. It is now just me and him standing and drunktalking. He’s an Aries. I tell him I don’t remember if Im supposed to get along with Aries or not. I ask him if he wants to sit down somewhere. He says sure but where. I tell him maybe the seats right next to us. Fully equipped with Sarcasm. He totally digs and I fall in drunkluv.

Continue drunktalk. This guy is so hawt. Somehow I’m under the impression that he’s only 20 and I keep telling him “you’re a baaaaby” in a british accent. We talk about how he’s transferring to UC Davis for some bio-green-save-the-earth-engineering major. We almost makeout. I pull back. More drunktalk. He brings up a Curb episode from its latest season. I immediately fall out of drunkluv and fall into Real Love. A remark I made earlier to Coco echoes in my mind: “All I want is to meet a Boy who has watched the newest season of Curb and thinks it’s funny.”

We talk about how he’s going back to Davis on Monday. Total buzzkill but Im too drunk to feel it. He wants to hang out the next day. I tell him I work. He says we can hang out when I get off work. The topic is left open-ended. I tell him we will have to be friends on facebook and that we can flirt via facebook. He is down to leave me dirty wall posts. Maybe we will become fans of each other. He points to my oxfords and tells me he likes my shoes. He says they look “sophisticated.” I like that he likes my shoes and I like that a fifty dollar purchase at Urbn buys me the image of sophistication. This guy is so effin hot.

"The name's Ass. Kick Ass."


Last call is over and the lights are on. We ignore the crowds leaving. And we ignore the employees telling the crowds to leave..until an employee comes to us and tells us we need to leave. KickAss and I get up and walk toward the bar. I need to find my friends. I tell him I need to go to the bathroom and he should stand around and check out hot chicks. I find my hoodie that I forgot about. Really glad I found it because it reminds me of seeing thousands of heads bobbing to Radiohead and Beck at a San Fran music festival two years ago. Grab my hoodie and walk toward Coco and friends at the bar. I notice KickAss talking to a hot chick. They’re laughing. Too drunk to be jealous/paranoid. Drunktalk with Coco. KickAss comes up to me with his cellphone out. He’s asking me for my number. I’m resistant aka totally retarded. I keep saying to him “youre not gonna call me, youre not gonna call me.” He says whatever and that he’ll probly text me later that night. I still don’t give him my number. His friends are tugging at him to leave. They tell him “dude, she likes you, get her number already.” KickAss tells me he has to go. I tell him he should stay. He says he has to go but that I can walk with him. I tell him ok Ill walk with you. We walk outside together.

My friends are saying let’s go. His friends are saying let’s go. He asks for my number again, ready to type it in his phone. Once again, my total retardation gets the best of me and I express my male baggage by saying “youre not gonna call.” He protests. He asks me if he can at least give me a kiss. I kindly say no. Next thing I know, he’s gone and his group of friends has walked off. Coco grabs me and we start walking. She tells me she saw KickAss walking away with his friends, but he kept looking back. I think this means he was unsure about leaving without getting my number…maybe he was into me and felt conflicted or something.

Coco drives us home. I cry in the car about how I have no one to go home to. Once we get home, I go on the computer and check craigslist missed connections. I leave a simple post. Then I update my facebook with “EMO.” And I pass out.

4 Responses to “The Prudence Diaries: The Guy I Bonded With Because He Looked Like The Guy From KickAss And When The Lights Turned On In The Bar He Still Looked Like The Guy From KickAss”
  1. Michelle Gibson says:

    Don’t live in regret Chani-boo. No one is perfect, everyone makes mistakes. Just have it serve as a reminder that when a hot, nice guy that can tolerate and even appreciate Drunk Chani asks for your number, you give it to him!

    • soren says:

      duuuuuude. it’s “soren” or “ex-stuffed animal collector”! ha, kinda joking. and youre “watchthemovie”.

      And I think I did learn my lesson, considering my drunken meetings with boys since then…it’s like Im one of two extremes in these different cases though, ha!

  2. Craigster says:

    How many times are you going to post this, take it down, and re-post this? My life is boring, and it’s your job to make it interesting with the stories of your exciting life.

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