Twilight Haters Target New Toy Story Movie

LOS ANGELES, CA–Twilight:Eclipse premiered last week in Hollywood. Amongst the Twi-hards, Kristen Stewart’s mumble and Robert Pattinson’s hair, something peculiar caught everyone’s attention: a group of about a dozen pissed off individuals. They were mainly twentysomethings with oversized eyeglasses and misunderstood hair. They wore Twilight tshirts featuring Edward with a huge red X over his face. They held … Continue reading

Do You Believe In Life After Twilight?

objective: to find out what there is to Live For once all the Twilight movies have come out in theaters.   First, a poem I wrote while sitting under a eucalyptus tree during a sunset: Twilight. Edward, Bella. Edward, Bella. Edward Edward. Bella. Jacob. Twilight. Twilight: Eclipse, the third installment of the Twilight series, comes … Continue reading

I Came, I Saw, I Judged: Sofia Coppola’s Somewhere

This movie isnt out yet, but I just saw the trailer: The title of the movie is pretty deep: Somewhere. Somewhere. Where? Maybe over there? Or over here? It’s somewhere, but really anywhere, because youll see yourself in the main character of the movie and be like “hey I just wanna be accepted too” and this … Continue reading

I Just Turned 25: My Eight Greatest Achievements So Far

some people are halfway through medical school by age 25. some people are teaching students valuable lessons by age 25. some people are hardworking parents by age 25. some people have impressive stuffed animal collections and buy drugs in london by age 25. By age one, I had already achieved Greatness. I won first place … Continue reading

I Came, I Saw, I Judged: Pixar’s Toy Story 3

Alright, just give Pixar the Nobel Peace Prize Best Picture Oscar already. And while youre at it, let’s honor the following performances:   Best Actor – Woody  It’s Tom Hanks! The Academy loves Tom Hanks. I love Tom Hanks.    Best Actress – Ken Not many people can work the ascot. But Ken pulls it off. … Continue reading

I Came, I Saw, I Judged: Russell Brand’s Get Him To The Greek

  This movie inspired me to drop some acid, go to the petting zoo, bring my laptop to Wendy’s to read old livejournal entries, cry about my failed relationship with my dad, buy some pills from a stranger in front of Rite-Aid, crush said pills and snort them off a sticky table at a Baskin Robbins, hitchhike … Continue reading

How To Attract Males On Halloween Without Dressing Like A Slut

to be a slut or to not be a slut, that is the question. Alright yall. Summer is here. Which means Halloween is right around the corner. If you dont have some sort of idea of what youre gonna be for Halloween, I feel sorry for you.        Okay Im done feeling sorry for you. Because here we … Continue reading

Daniel Touchet Is kind of a big deal

Daniel Touchet is kind of a big deal and he’s not afraid of semicolons. the young man sat down with Symposium Says’ very own soren to answer some questions…    So Daniel, how does it feel to be kind of a big deal?  Thanks. It’s kind of like deciding which salad dressing you want at a restaurant; you … Continue reading

My Birthday Gift For Kanye: A Haiku

U and me equals 808s and Happiness Luv, ur Black Kate Moss    

Hold Up, Kanye WesT Just Turned Us Down For A Hotel Room

“You wanna check into The Heartbreak Hotel, but sorry we’re closed.” – Paranoid