The Unexamined Life Is Totally Worth Living

Socrates: The unexamined life is not worth living. Me: Shut up. You know what’s demoralizing? Genocide. Babies being punched to death. Famine. Pigs being injected with semen to avoid having them fuck. Bourgeois boredom. Being a 25 year old graduate student and still having to look up how to spell bougeouise bourgeois bourgeois. Homelessness. Domestic … Continue reading

16 Ways To Redeem Yourself For Liking Miranda July

For those of you I actually talk to, you know Ive been dating a guy ever since I drunkenly slept with him last month and had to ask him the next morning if we actually had sex. For those of you I don’t talk to, Ive been dating a guy since I drunkenly slept with … Continue reading

19th Century Philosophy That Will Creep You Out While Turning You On

From Kierkegaard’s Diary Of A Seducer: “I am a good-natured person who came like a knight to the aid of a young girl, and I can also press your hand in a way that is anything but good-natured.”                      (hawt) “I promise she shall remember the … Continue reading

3 Philosophy Grad Students Walk Into A Bar…

3 philosophy grad students walk into a bar…   Bernard: Hey, have you guys seen that one cocktail waitress around here lately? The boorish one. Phillip: The ol’ curmudgeon who always messes up my order and brings me a Jack mixed with petulance… Gail: The ol’ curmudgeon who Bernard wants to sleep with, Phillip – … Continue reading

Professor Benjamin Shaeffer is kind of a big deal

Professor Benjamin Shaeffer is kind of a big deal and he doesnt wanna get a real job.  the philosophy professor sat down with Symposium Says’ very own ex-stuffed animal collector to answer some questions… Benjamin, tell me, how does it feel to be kind of a big deal? [laughs] It feels pretty big. What’s your sign? Yield. … Continue reading

Capital G Graduation

Congrats to my friends who just graduated with their BAs/MAs in philosophy. Go get ’em. lol.