The Prudence Diaries: The Guy I Would Have Bonded With Over Bikes Had I Not Been Such An Uptight Over-analytical Bitch

Im on the trolley, sitting at the end of the cart with my bike. I have my hoodie on in order to shut out the rest of the world. The rest of the world, that is…except for him…

Tall, blonde, and fully equipped with a vintage Peugeot road bike, Bike Boy gets on the trolley at the Grossmont Center stop. He’s also hiding in his hoodie. Maybe he’s a misanthrope like me.

He says hi to me and smiles. I tell him hey. I stand up to make room for his bike. He says thanks and leans his bike up against mine, tangling our bike frames together, perhaps symbolizing the fact that he wants to fuck me. I take a seat a few rows up from our bikes, facing away from them. Bike Boy walks by, takes a seat a few rows ahead, facing me. He says to me, motioning toward our bikes, “maybe they’ll be friends some day,” once again, possibly hinting at his desire of wanting to have passionate bike sex with me.

I just smile, because I dont want him to know that I want to marry him. I gotta play it cool so I get my ipod out and put my headphones on. Besides, listening to music on your headphones is one of the best ways to get a guy interested in you. Maybe he will ask me what Im listening to and Ill tell him “the Shins” except it wont be the Shins, itll be Blonde Redhead, but he’ll listen to it and itll change his life kinda like Natalie Portman did with JD in Garden State.

"Told you this music would CHANGE UR LIFE/MAKE U WANNA MARRY ME"

 

But he doesnt ask me what Im listening to. Instead, we both just sit there, trying to act interested in the award-winning cinematography of the trolley. The trolley makes another stop, and our bikes fall down…perhaps serving as a caution that we wouldnt make it as a couple? idk.

He gets up and props the bikes back up. Then he takes a seat again, this time directly parallel to me. Im trying to think of something to say. I mean, he suggested our bikes be friends which is almost like asking me out on a date and I havent really been giving him a whole lot to work with. Maybe Ill ask him where his bike helmet is and play the safety card, inadvertently reminding him of his mom. Ugh. No. Maybe I could tell him “nice bike” and then he’ll look at me and smile and then I wont know what else to say, looking like a total buffoon. Except it wont be like the movies where it’s the kind of cute, appealing buffoonery that sparks his interest and leads him to choose me over Kate Hudson. Itll be real life buffoonery that embarrasses me and creeps him out.

Or, I could go with option C, and not say anything to him, continue looking out the window, until he gets off at his stop and walks out of my life forever..

Option C it is.

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